From The "We're Hopelessly Ill" Department:
I noticed a new weapon on Man's arsenal against the common cold in the Safeway today: "anti-viral" facial tissue. I was of the belief that aloe-infused tissues were the absolute pinnacle of snot-absorbing technology, but apparently not. These things "kills 99.9% of cold and flu viruses!", boy howdy.
Now see here guys, we'll overlook the unintentionally bold scientific claim that viruses are "alive" and therefore capable of being killed, but I took a look at the active ingredients and was a little underwhelmed. All you're giving us is a middle ply soaked with citric acid and sodium laurel sulfate... lemon juice and - wait for it - soap.
I've long been mocked for the frequency with which I wash my hands, but it seems to me that the potential buyers of this product could more effectively fight their sickness by reallocating some of their virus-killing-tissue money into a bar of soap and a bottle of OJ. And then just make a point to not smear their used, virus-soaked normal tissues on their friends and loved ones. Am I wrong?
Comments
Now see here guys, we'll overlook the unintentionally bold scientific claim that viruses are "alive" and therefore capable of being killed
Zombies, dude. QED.
Posted by: Tom | January 7, 2008 07:35 AM